Sunday, December 27, 2009

Don't just Cast Me away like that T_____T

What do you mean when you say I cant protect you?? Ever since you became my GF I've always been thinking that I would protect you from anything that would hurt you. I would protect you from sorrow. That's why I always try to cheer you up and felt like crap when you are sad. I would protect you from loneliness. I was always by your side or a phone call away and would accompany you the moment u ask. I would travel without hesitation no matter the distance just to see you. I would protect you from sickness and would get all uneasy when you are sick. I would protect you from suffering though I think a bit of suffering will make us a better person. The times I had to endure sleepless nights when you get angry with me. That is how bad it would make me feel if I did something wrong which hurt you. I would protect you by making you a better person, be able to handle problems and take care of yourself better in this world. Its not that I don't want or cant protect you from them, but it's because I realize that there are things which we cant escape that each of us will have to face. You might find it very hard or sad or stressful in overcoming them, but after you did, u can leave the all the sadness and stress with me. I'll do all I can to cast them away. I would protect the dreams and lifestyle that you have. Like when the time you wanted to take an LRT alone to meet a friend in KLCC. I was asked by your sis and her bf to convince you not to go as they think a girl taking an LRT alone is dangerous but I have faith in you and I trust that you will be able to do it. I did not listen to them because I know how important that friend is to you. In the end I got a bit of scolding from them, saying stuff like "how can u say u love your gf by letting her go alone?" and "If it were me, I would never let her do that". Those words hurt man. I did not told u that because I don't want to stress you about them. Haha, I was abit influenced by them too and I asked my sis about the condition of that LRT station and felt relieved when she told me she always took it.
I would go even as far as to talk less to my friend or avoid them when u are with me because you don't like them. They said some mean things about you and I have talked to them about it and told them how I feel. You would not listen to me when I say that they are like that because they just like to gossip or they don't really mean what they say. People make mistakes. But I understand how you felt and stayed by ur side. When you told me that you don't like them until you don't want see them in our wedding, that fkin hurt.. I had to choose between my good friend and you. You were emo and I tried talking to you but you would not change your mind, so what can I do? Swallow them like a man la. Don't tell me "If like that then, forget about me la" because I CANT because you were very very important to me. You were hurt and I was hurt, but I still tried to cheer you up. You couldn't expect someone who is hurt to do a good job at I also tried to persuade you to accept and forgive them. I care about your feelings more than my own. I loved you more than I loved myself because one day I hope that you could love me that way too.
You would also get into fights with this friend of ours during uni due to different way of thinking and you thought that he was a very irritating and troublesome. He just gets on your nerves. To me, I'm fine, I don't get too emotional with him and just treat him like a regular friend but you would complain to me when he did something which upsets you. So I talked to him, and told him how you felt and how he should change this and that. I advised you to just dun take what he does seriously. In the end, things between you and him got better after misunderstandings were settled and I was so glad. Is it so wrong for me to want friendships between you and others to not break? for me to want misunderstandings to be settled?
I am not used to using violence to solve a problem. I think I am the calm type which analyzes something thoroughly before making rash decisions. It was clear to me that it was a misunderstanding and that he meant no real harm. But I should have gave him a piece of my mind ya. I would now for any future similar cases. I was just not brought up like that . You need to tell me or I'm too stupid to know T__T. I would do it to protect you.
I have been trying so hard to help you erase your past sorrows while swallowing comments about what or how you were with your first. I never restricted you from thinking about him because I know its hard and it would hurt you. In my mind, I convinced myself I would be someone far better and will give you more so that in the end, you'll be able to move on with me and I think I finally did it. And then came along this friend who hurt you. I don't know what to do as he is our friend. If he were any other person, I would have told him off and kicked his ass, seriously. This is my first time ending a friendship with someone. Forgive me, I should have hit it out on him but it was too late. To tell the truth, I never really liked it when you were close to him. I don't like it when other guys poke you or mess with your hair or push you around. But you don't seem to mind, and I closed an eye to it but I guess I should not have done that. Girls like it ya I guess when a guy tells her to don't get too close with other guys. It's not that I couldn't protect you from a guy that hurt you but it was that I didn't.
I was a newbie, I admit. But you didn't give me another chance. You did not tell me until things are too late. I would give my everything to protect you..ppl will have to crawl over my dead body to get to you... so don't cast me away just like that ;A; T____________T


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